Lord of the Shit
by fluffyarianna
Summary: Written by AA & SC. Based on a true story (well... kind of). Featuring My Chemical Romance and Paramore in later chapters. Note that this story isn't meant to be taken seriously... it's just a lot of fun to write!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

In a strange, mystical land called Ohio, there lived an eccentric teenage girl named Vanessa Greene who enjoyed picking her nose very much.

In fact, she would pick her nose so much that her mother told her that it was very likely it would fall off some day in the near future.

One day, whilst Vanessa was picking her nose, it fell off.

She was incredibly upset and had no idea what to do. So she did the only thing that she could think of. She went to her other nose picking friend, Allison.

Allison was unsure as to what Vanessa expected her to do, so she flipped Vanessa off.

Vanessa started bawling and Allison came and comforted her out of guilt.

Then Melabie Fu woke up.

"Damn, I'm never going to eat fried chicken before bed again."

Melabie got out of bed, got naked, and went into her bathroom. She found a random boy named Gelato in the bathtub.

She screamed and ran out of her house, still naked, to Allison and Vanessa's house next door.

"Help!" Melabie cried.

Melabie told Allison and Vanessa what had happened to her in the bathroom.

Then Daniel woke up.

"Wow, what a weird dream", he thought.

He realized that it was like inception and he was obviously Leonardo DiCaprio (he also realized how hot Vanessa looked in the dream and got a raging boner.)

"Holy shit," he thought suddenly, "I need to audition for Titanic immediately!"

He knew how much Vanessa liked that movie. In fact, it was her absolute favorite. He decided that he had to call her immediately.

"Hi, this is Vanessa Greene. I'm not here right now... most likely because I am touching myself in bed, or for any other reason you can think of. Anyways, please leave a message after the beep."  
Beeeeeeep.

"Hey... Vanessa," Daniel spoke through the phone in a rough voice. The message somewhat made him very excited and he was having trouble getting his voice steady, "I just wanted to tell you that I'm probably going to try to audition for Titanic, and I know it's your favorite movie, so I was wondering if maybe you would like to escort me to the audition. Uh, bye." Daniel quickly hung up and fell back down onto his bed. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple.

He was about to take off his pants and start fapping, when suddenly there was a knock on his window. It was Morgan, the gay boy next door, trying to rape him yet again.

Daniel knew how close Morgan and Vanessa were. He realized that if he told Morgan that he was planning on going somewhere with Vanessa, then maybe Morgan wouldn't bother him. So that's what he decided to do.

Daniel began to cross his bedroom to open his window, but before he could get the chance, Morgan smashed it with a baseball bat, climbed through the hole that he had made, and yelled at the top of his lungs, "It's fuckin' time!"

Daniel ran out of his room and ran smack dab into Vanessa and gave her a bloody nose.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Vanessa! How did you get in my house? Well, uh, nevermind that, I guess. I tried to call you but you didn't pick up, you know," said Daniel.

"Yeah," said Vanessa wiping the blood from her nose with her sleeve, "I was busy touching myself in bed."

'_Oh fuck'_ was all Daniel could think at the moment because his pants were bulging more and more until it had formed a rock hard boner.

"Ah, that's, uh, wonderful... heh," was all Daniel could manage to say.

"Well are we going to the aud - OH MY GOSH Morgan IS THAT YOU? Hey what's up? I haven't seen you in a while!" said Vanessa. Little did she know that Morgan was actually bisexual, and had feelings for her as well.

Morgan was standing before Vanessa, completely naked. Vanessa looked down at his dick.

"Oh," she said.

She realized that he had a massive boner (and a huge dick) and it was all because the two people who turned Morgan on the most were standing right in front of him.

Daniel looked behind him and seeing Morgan, he fled into the next room of his house. Vanessa and Morgan were alone.

"It would be less awkward if you were naked also, Vanessa," said Morgan.

Vanessa, having no idea what to do at that present moment, decided to follow Daniel to the other room.

"Daniel, do you love me or not?" asked Vanessa.

"I... I... I..." Daniel stuttered. But his sentence was left unfinished, because as soon as he noticed the naked bisexual boy that had crept up behind him and squeezed his ass, he jumped up and screamed.

Daniel took Vanessa by the hand and they jumped out of the window towards the direction of the Titanic audition (wherever the hell that was) while naked Morgan ran after them. Daniel was still wondering if he should tell Vanessa the truth or not.

"Come on, let's hide behind this large pile of shit," said Vanessa.

'_What a romantic place to confess my love to Vanessa,' _thought Daniel. So they quickly dove behind the pile of cow shit.

"Hmm, isn't this how you described your life, Daniel?" Vanessa asked with a chuckle.

"Ah, yes. When we were texting this is indeed how I described my life," Daniel replied, "but wait a minute, Vanessa, I need to tell you some-"

Daniel was quickly cut off by Morgan trying to undress them both at the same time as they hid behind the large pile of manure.

However that, too, was interrupted, because a screaming old priest had just fallen from the top of a tower into the pile of cow poop.

"Wow," thought Daniel out loud, "we must be in Prague, and that man must have been defenestrated!"

"Daniel! We have to get out of here and fast," Vanessa exclaimed.

'_Damn! I was just about to tell her that I love her, too!' _Daniel thought.

Daniel then turned into an Italian ninja and called for his ninja car into which he took Vanessa and, sadly, Morgan. The whole world was in danger. The car put Morgan's clothes back on him and then they drove off into the sunset to save the world.

"What's going on?" Vanessa cried.

"Did you see that man that fell off of that castle we were standing behind? That was a Protestant priest. He was defenestrated by a group of Catholics. But he survived, because he landed in that pile of shit! Now, we have to find a way to kill him. But the only way to do that is to dispose of all the shit in the world."

Vanessa gasped.

"The only way we can do that is if we find a giant toilet," said Daniel.

Vanessa gasped again.

Morgan had fallen asleep in the back.

'_Great, where are we going to find a giant toilet,' _Daniel thought to himself.

"Oh my god, hold up! There's a giant toilet factory I saw when I was in Kansas visiting my family last year! We have to go there," exclaimed Vanessa.

"Wait, Vanessa, before we go-can I tell you something?" Daniel asked.

"Um, what?" Vanessa replied.

Here it was, the moment that Daniel had been waiting for. He was on the verge of just pouring his heart out. However, before he could even begin to move his lips, a Protestant priest dressed in long black robes rode up besides Daniel's car in his virgin-Mary-mobile.

"You shall never find the Toilet of Doom in Kansas 4960 Roe Boulevard, Roeland Park!"

At that moment Daniel was as mad as could be and he just exploded.

"Dammit Vanessa! I love you, okay? And whoever you are, just shuddup! I am going to Kansas and there is nothing you can do about it, specifically in 4960 Roe Boulevard, Roeland Park!" Daniel yelled. He then floored the car and drove away.

Vanessa remained speechless.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Cranky little Morgan had woken up from all the yelling.

"What the actual fuck is going on?" he cried. However, as his eyes began to open, he caught a glimpse of Daniel, and then all his judgement was hazed. He ripped off his shirt, roared like a beast, and transformed into his other identity: Rape Man.

"Give me your dick!" He cried, and he pounced on Daniel.

"Dude what the fuck!" Daniel yelled and parked the car on the side of the road. He then tore Morgan off of him and grabbed Vanessa by the shoulders.

"Vanessa, I must kill him!"  
"No, Daniel, love, you mustn't!"  
"But I must!"  
"No, Daniel. You mustn't. For I do not know the way, nor do you. He must be the one to guide us."

Daniel turned around and saw Morgan. He was attempting to shade his eyes from the light that he hadn't seen in so long.

"I kind of pity him," said Daniel.

Vanessa and Daniel stopped and listened to the words that Morgan was muttering under his breath.

"Mine, my own... my preciousssss..."

Daniel shook his head.

"A long time ago, the protestants stole his piece of shit. Ever since, he has wanted it back."

"Hmmm, that sounds like a terrible remake of Lord of the Rings, don't ya think?" Vanessa said.

Daniel was very amused by this comment. He couldn't help but fall in love with her a bit more because of her adorable stupidity.

"Oh, Vanessa. Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, my darling. Don't be such a simpleton. Anyways, is there anyone else you would like to save before we leave for Kansas?" asked Daniel.

"What? Well, uh, I should probably bring Allison and Melabie. They'll be great assets to the team."

Daniel took a sharp right turn making Vanessa bump into him. They both blushed in response to the position they had ended up in.

"Um... Allison should be at Melabie's apartment... because they're roommates... and the building is just down the street," muttered Vanessa, climbing back into her seat.

"Um, right." said Daniel, stepping on the gas.

As Daniel continued to drive, Vanessa started to hum to herself softly. Daniel hadn't known that she liked to sing and enjoyed the little background music she produced.

When they arrived to the apartment, Vanessa was dozing off softly and Morgan was still mumbling in his sleep. Daniel got out of the car and made his way to the front door and stopped abruptly when he heard noises.

"Fuck, more protestants?" cried Daniel. He sighed and went into ninja mode. Time to fight some protestant mobs.

Meanwhile, Melabie and Allison were hacking into Vanessa's facebook page and writing embarrassing posts on her wall inside the house.

Vanessa woke up from all of the noise and looked outside. When she saw about fifty protestants lying on the floor, dead, Vanessa bolted out of the car and ran towards Daniel.

"Daniel are you okay?" exclaimed Vanessa. She hugged Daniel around the waist with her tiny little arms and Allison and Melabie ran out of the door. They had heard a squeal from outside the house. Allison slipped Melabie 5 dollars. They had a bet whether Vanessa made that noise or not. Unfortunately, Allison had lost.

"Hey guys. Fancy seeing you here," said Allison.

Daniel and Vanessa turned around and faced Allison and Melabie.

"Yeah, to you too. Have you heard about the war that has been waging between the Protestants and the Catholics?"

"Yeah," said Melabie, "We kind of have because the bottom right corner of our computer screen says that it is 1617 and that we're in Prague during the time of the defenestration. So yeah, we kind of guessed."

Vanessa was about to respond, however she was interrupted by Melabie who continued to speak.

"And let me guess, the Protestants stole Morgan's shit and you are on a mission to go to Kansas and buy the giant toilet at that toilet factory on Roe street, and then you're going to flush down all the shit in the world... but the only problem is that the only person that knows the way to Kansas is Morgan, who only cares about getting his shit back, not destroying it at the Toilet of Doom?"

Vanessa gaped.

"Uh, yeah. That's precisely it."

Daniel was very bewildered by how Melabie had known all that and nudged Vanessa softly at the waist. She turned around to look at him, and he raised his eyebrows.

"Wait a minute, guys. How did you find out all this? It doesn't seem like all that would be on the corner of your laptop," said Vanessa, turning around to face Allison and Melabie again.

"Well," said Melabie, "Since we're from the future, but we are presently in our past, we know everything that's going to happen now anyways."

"Wow, you're right Melabie!" said Vanessa excitedly.

"Of course I'm right. Anyways, I also know that the protestants are presently on their way to the toilet of doom."

"Well fucking shit," Daniel said, "Okay, we have to get there first. And in order to do that, all of you have to get in the car."

Everyone did as told. Vanessa and Daniel sat in the front while Melabie, Allison, and Morgan squeezed in the back seat. Morgan was still asleep muttering nonsense about his precious shit as usual, and Allison and Melabie squeezed in beside him, careful not to wake him. Daniel then floored the car and they were off again on their way to the Toilet of Doom.

"Turn on the radio, boy," said Allison after a good hour of silence in the car.

Daniel turned on the radio and sure enough, Allison's favorite song, American Pie was playing. That song happened to also be the favorite of everyone else in the car, so they all sang the lyrics to the song in unison.

"A long, long time ago, I can still remember..."

And they went on like that for another hour. And another.

Until Morgan woke up. He started mentioning things about his beloved shit again but not about the shit that he lost, but the shit that he needed to get rid of. Pretty soon everyone realized how much they needed to use the bathroom and Daniel found a nice, cozy rest stop to take a small bathroom break.

"Make this quick, people. Let's try to meet at the car in about 20 minutes. Hopefully sooner," Daniel said.

Everyone went in their respectful ways and it seemed as though Daniel and Vanessa got back first.

'Finally,' Daniel thought, 'Some alone time with Vanessa.'

"So hey," said Daniel, approaching Vanessa, leaning against the side of the car.

"Hi," she said.

"What a ridiculous little adventure, huh? I didn't know they had rest stops in Prague 1617."

Vanessa laughed.

"That's true."

Daniel smiled. 'Is this the right time to tell her?' He thought. He decided that he would have to tell her sooner or later, and he decided that sooner would be better.

'Okay, here goes nothing,' Daniel thought.

"So, uh, Vanessa. That's a wonderful name. Vanessa. Oooooooh. Sheee. Eeeeeeee. Eeeeeeeee. Absolutely delightful. Rolls off the tongue. I can say it all day."

Vanessa laughed awkwardly.

"Daniel why are you acting so nervous? It's just me."

'Oh yeah, it's just you alright...' Daniel thought.

"Nothing. I'm not nervous. It's just-throughout this whole trip-"

"HEY GUYS!"

Elizabeth, a blonde girl with a large ass and huge tits from Vanessa and Daniel's high school, came bounding towards Daniel, crushing him against her body.

Daniel couldn't stop himself from shouting, "Gee whiz, what great boobs you have!"

Vanessa, astounded, could think of nothing better to do but slap him right across his face.

"I'll find someone else to drive me to Kansas!"

She marched off and left in search of Melabie, Allison, and Morgan.

'Dammit! Good job, Daniel! Ya did it again,' Daniel mentally scolded himself.

"Thanks a lot, Elizabeth! Now look what you did!" Daniel screamed, and then ran off after Vanessa.

Elizabeth frowned. She always liked Daniel very much, and when she saw how much he had cared about Vanessa, she ran off and disappeared into the parking lot, never to be seen again by Daniel. Not until the time was right.

After 10 minutes of running around the same rest stop, Daniel got tired and started to cry. He didn't know what else to do.

He shook his head in disbelief. None of it made sense. How could Elizabeth have even been there, in 1617? How could he have been transported from Ohio to Prague, and then expect to get to Kansas in a single car trip? He wanted all of the Catholics and Protestants and Leonardo DiCaprio, and most importantly himself, to just vanish. But he knew that was impossible, and that he had a task to complete.

Sniffling, he returned to the parking lot. He grabbed his keys from his left pocket, ready to leave for Kansas. However, there were no keys. He stopped crying. Then, he looked up. His car was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Vanessa finally found all of her friends and decided that maybe she was being too hard on Daniel. After all, it wasn't like Daniel was her property or anything stupid like that. He was allowed to look around at other girls if he wanted to. Sighing, she tried to go back to the car.

One problem: it wasn't there.

So of course, immediately, she started to panic.

"Allison, Melabie, Morgan! Stay right here, I need to find Daniel and I need to do it now!" Vanessa ordered. She ran around the entire place and finally, after running for five minutes, she spotted Daniel inside a little cafe near the front. He was sitting alone, running his hands through his hair at a small table near the back. With a relieved sigh, she ran to him from behind and hugged him as hard as she possibly could.

"I thought you had left for Kansas without me," said Vanessa, "But then I realized that you wouldn't do anything like that to me."

Daniel did not look around at Vanessa. He simply nodded.

"Whatever. If you need a ride to get back home, I'll pay for a taxi," said Daniel.

"No!" cried Vanessa, "I'm coming with you!"

Daniel shook his head and stood up from the table. He stared at Vanessa.

"Oh, Vanessa... you can't forgive me, what I did was idiotic. One minute I am about to ask you out on a real date, the next I'm commenting on another girl's boob job right in front of you. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Daniel... Daniel... Daniel! Shut up, will you? Just be quiet and listen," Vanessa ordered.

'Damn, she's in the ordering mood today, isn't she?' Daniel thought to himself with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

"I love you, and I do care that you were hitting on another girl but - wait a moment. Another girl..."

"What?"

Vanessa didn't respond. She lifted a finger to Daniel's lips.

"What?" Daniel said again, softly moving her hand away from his lips. He held onto her arm for a moment as Vanessa continued to stand there in silence, as though she had remembered something very important.

"Come on, what? What were you going to say? Wha-"

Daniel stopped mid-sentence. He realized what Vanessa had realized. Elizabeth stole the car.

"Elizabeth-she took the car! That little bitch - she must be working for the Protestants!" cried Daniel, "Come on!"

He swept Vanessa off of her feet, went scrambling towards the nearest phone booth, and dialed for a taxi.

"One ninja-mobile to go please,"

He hung up the phone.

"So my wallet was in the car, but they don't need to know that," said Daniel. Vanessa laughed.

"Come on," said Daniel again, and he lead her into the parking lot where Allison, Melabie and Morgan were waiting.

"Gee whiz, today has been one helluva day," Melabie said.

"It's still not quite over," Allison said.

"Shit... my marvelous, wonderful little shit... where is my shit..." Morgan kept mumbling.

While they were waiting for the car to arrive, Daniel and Vanessa were standing in a small corner of the parking lot.

"Hmm, I bet you they'll probably be making out soon," Stephanie said, "I won the last bet, I know I'm going to win this one!"

Melabie laughed maniacally.

"It's on!" Allison exclaimed.

'Shit I actually think she's going to win this one...' Allison thought.

"So, you were going to ask me on a date," said Vanessa giggling. Daniel blushed.

"Yeah. I guess I was being kind of a pussy about it," said Daniel quietly.

"Yep."

Vanessa couldn't help it. She laughed. Daniel raised his eyebrows.

"I was expecting you to say something more along the lines of 'Oh no Daniel, you're such a big brave boy!'" he said jokingly.

They laughed.

After a minute or so, their laughter died down. Vanessa and Daniel were beginning to think of the same thing.

"So, um..." Daniel began.

"Oh right." Vanessa said.

The conversation had become awkward.

"You know, sometimes I kind of just wonder. I wonder, why would the Lord, Jesus Christ almighty, my savior, my idol, my homeboy, the one I look up to - why would he make us meet in the first place? I mean, not that it's a bad thing, or anything. But you are, well, you're pretty Hindu and I am very, well, you know, Catholic. Both just so contradicting. But sometimes... it seems like, well, it seems like I need you in order to breathe," Daniel said, "Okay, okay. I know that probably sounded really fucking stupid. But you know it's true."

He smiled.

"I don't know if I could even begin to answer your question. It's completely beyond me. I mean, you're right. Why did our paths meet in this way, and why did I have to fall in love with you? Why like this? I don't know. I don't even know. I'm just glad we did meet, and this did happen, and we became so close. And well, I don't know what would happen to me if we hadn't gotten so close, or what I would be doing right now if we hadn't met."

The conversation became awkward again and died down. They just stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment.

Vanessa took a step towards Daniel. With eyes closed, Daniel leaned in for the kiss. Just an inch a way. Daniel could feel Vanessa's soft breath creeping up onto his neck, tiptoed towards his chin, his lips... just a centimeter away... a millimeter...

Suddenly, a long, cold hiss snuck into Daniel's ear, and he jumped.

"What was that?" Daniel cried.

Vanessa was about to respond, but she was interrupted by some more hisses.

"Give me back my shit, I need my shit, yesss my preciousss... my shit!" cried Morgan. Meanwhile, the taxi skidded to a halt in front of Allison and Melabie. Unsure of what to do, they stalled for time, attempting to get Vanessa, Daniel and Morgan's attention.

Daniel, slightly pissed at Morgan for ruining his moment, started to explode again. Vanessa thought that Daniel was acting really hot and wanted to take all of her clothes off right in that instant and make out with Daniel.

Now, it turned out that Morgan had this strange mind reading power and reading Vanessa's mind, he immediately took off all of his clothes (including his unmentionables) and yelled "Okay, I want my goddamn shit back!"

However, Morgan halted before he could really get into some good ass pounding, because Allison and Melabie had just driven up, nearly crashing into him.

"Hop in!" Melabie cried from the passenger seat. Vanessa and Daniel climbed in the car in just seconds before they would have been squashed.

"Wait," said Vanessa, "We forgot Morgan!"

Vanessa then hopped out of the taxi and searched for Morgan frantically and finally found him making out with a guy whom Allison found extremely attractive.

"Charlie?" Vanessa cried. Morgan quickly let go of the tall, handsome, muscular, sophisticated hunk's collar. It was one of Vanessa's closest friends from high school.

Allison caught a brief glimpse of him. His long, brown hair flowed in the breeze as he stood up from the black pavement of the parking lot, and he wiped the dirt off from his pants. He lifted his eyes up towards the car for a moment and Allison could see the creamy hazel color of his eyes flicker towards her. Quickly, Allison looked away.

"Vanessa, it's not what it looks like! He just grabbed me and then... and then..." Charlie began to explain.

"I don't care what happened! I just don't care!" Vanessa screamed, "Okay? Just get into the damn taxi," Vanessa ordered.

Everyone got into the taxi and Morgan slowly gave the driver the directions for where in Kansas to go. The driver was dressed in long black robes and had a black handkerchief over his mouth so that no one in the car could see his face.

He began to start the car. Melabie snuck a glance at the driver as he backed up out of the parking lot. She gasped. It appeared as though he had a bomb strapped to his forehead! Suddenly, there was a loud boom and everything went white.


	4. Chapter 4 (MCR AND PARAMORE YAY!)

Chapter 4

Charlie woke up in a large white room not knowing where he was.

'Dammit! This is what I get for making out with a random white guy at a rest stop in 1617. Waddafuck is wrong with me?' he mentally scolded himself. He then tried to sit upright in his bed when a huge stab of pain shot through his side.

"Eez jussa leettle peench, my boy," came a soft, soothing (and slightly seductive) whisper into his left ear. It was an old man dressed in priest's garments.

"I take froom you, my beauteeful boy, zee blood, yeez." said the old man, petting Charlie's hair.

The man was holding a large needle and a large bottle of Charlie's fresh blood.

Charlie was extremely scared. He attempted to get out of the bed but the priest had him pinned to it with his wrinkly body. Charlie closed his eyes and blindly kicked at the man. His foot landed straight in between the man's legs, right in the nuts. The man let go of Charlie and let out a loud moan of pain. Quickly, Charlie ran out of the room in search of his companions.

"Vwait my boy, my beauteeful boy, zee blood eez not taken yeet!" cried the old priest just as Charlie slipped out of the room.

Charlie found himself in a long, narrow hallway. The walls were white, and there were five bright pink doors on both sides.

Charlie then went in the second pink door to his left. He had no idea why the fuck he decided to do that but it felt right so the heck with it.

When he went inside, he saw a pale girl with dark brown hair beautifully framing her face. He instantly fell in love with her peaceful face and wondered who she might be. He inched closer and closer so he could get a better look when suddenly the girl's eyes fluttered open and he recognized her from the taxi.

"Charlie... Charlie... my hero, come to save me!" cried Allison, who was tied to the bed.

"What-who are you?" Charlie cried, "hold on, Let me get you untied!"

While Charlie was untying Allison, Daniel came bursting through the door, panic-stricken. He had been searching for Vanessa frantically ever since he woke up.

"Good, you guys are okay. Have you seen Vanessa anywhere?" gasped Daniel.

Charlie shook his head.

"But there are priests everywhere," said Charlie.

"Yeah, I know. And frankly, I don't care. I must... find... Vanessa! God, I sound like Morgan and his shit!" cried Daniel. He then bolted out the door in search of his beloved.

Charlie looked back at Allison.

"Come on, don't worry about them. We have to find a way out of this place without any of those priests coming back." said Charlie.

"They're protestants from Prague. All they're interested in is stopping us from flushing the shit in the toilet of doom. I think they might have taken Morgan's shit a long time ago because they didn't want us to flush it down the toilet of doom!" said Allison, throwing the ropes aside and jumping off the bed.

Allison then led Charlie out of the room into the hallway. She then went to the door next to hers to see who was in there.

"Knock knock," Allison said as she opened the door. She then proceeded inside with Charlie following close behind. They were bewildered when they got a glimpse of what was going on in the room.

Sophia Flay, a half white, half asian woman dressed in a long brown shit colored robe with a cross hanging over her neck, was standing in the center of the room, looking straight at them.

"Oh my god," said Charlie, "Who is that?"

"It's Sophia," said Allison, "She's working for the Protestants. I should have known!"

Allison had hated Sophia ever since she had met her one Summer when she was still in middle school.

Charlie then ran to Sophia and started licking her.

"What in the hell are you doing, Charlie?!" Allison shrieked. Charlie then looked at her and immediately realized what he was doing was wrong and started to apologize. It was too late.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. I'm drawn to her evil protestant powers." cried Charlie, just as Sophia's eyes turned a nasty shade of shit.

She grabbed him by the neck. Her grasp began to tighten to the point where Charlie couldn't breathe.

"Stop it you evil, evil creature!" shouted Allison. She slapped Sophia on the back repeatedly, but Sophia resisted and refused to loosen her grip on Charlie's brawny neck.

Just then Morgan (who was still naked), Daniel, and Vanessa burst through the door. Melabie came afterwards stumbling in while making out with some hot doctor. Everyone was staring at her awkwardly. It was so awkward that Sophia let go of Charlie because even she was in great shock. She ran outside the door, glaring at them briefly before she left.

"Dude, I thought you said you wouldn't date men till you were thirty!" Vanessa said to Melabie, astounded.

Melabie could barely unlock her lips from the handsome doctor. She gasped for air.

"I'm fucking 21. I can do what I want!"

"Look, let's get out of here. Sophia must have gone to go get some more Protestants. Also, I have this sudden urge to fuck Vanessa Greene right now. And to go and throw Morgan's shit into the toilet of doom," said Daniel.

Vanessa blushed. "Uhh... what he said. The second part. Come on guys, let's all get moving!"

They all then ran swiftly outside to find that their taxi was nowhere in sight. Melabie then started to sob uncontrollably.

Vanessa brought Melabie into her arms and began to cry softly along with her. However, the bittersweet moment was short lived, because as the fellowship of the shit stood on the curb of the road, scared and clueless, they could faintly begin to hear the noise of a car zooming at a nearly uncontrollable pace. Vanessa lifted her head up from Melabie's shoulders, looking around desperately to find out what the noise was. It was definitely a car, and as it sped closer and closer towards the group, they realized, to their amazement, that it was Lilly Greene who was behind the wheel.

Lilly stopped with an abrupt skid and nearly collided with the group on the sidewalk.

"Ah fucking shit," sighed Lilly as she climbed out of the car. Vanessa then slightly screamed out of astonishment for her mere 12 year old little sister was wearing nothing but skimpy lingerie.

"What in the actual fuck are you wearing?" Vanessa exclaimed, "And why the fuck are you driving a fucking car?"

Lilly looked at her angrily but then realized who she brought along with her.

"Oh shut up Vanessa, I'm perfectly capable of driving a Ferrari. I mean I am Lilly fucking Greene. Also, I think you'll like who I brought along in my lovely vehicle." They all peered into the brightly colored Ferrari and saw none other than Gerard Way and Taylor York much to Allison and Vanessa's delight. Gerard was the lead singer of the rock band My Chemical Romance, and Taylor was the lead guitarist of Paramore. Vanessa was obsessed with Gerard Way and had a huge crush on him ever since she was a little girl, and the same went for Allison but for Taylor York. Lilly had met both of them at a bar and had bought them drinks. They had gotten just a tad bit too drunk, and had become the best of friends.

"Hey sexy beasts," said Gerard, "Us rock stars have come to help you dispose of the shit." Everyone cheered.

"There's no time to waste, you guys," said Charlie, "Let's get a-crack-a-lackin!"

Everyone shuffled into the car as quickly as they could. After everyone had buckled their seatbelts (Gerard insisted that safety came first) Vanessa screamed, "Step on it Lilly!"

Lilly, whose foot barely reached the pedal, stepped on the gas and the car sped away down the road. What they had failed to realize as they made their fabulous exit, was that Brandon Flowers, the head of the Protestants, was staring at them from a distance.

They all were tightly packed in the Ferrari. They were so packed that Morgan had to be put into the trunk. However, Allison and Vanessa were actually pretty okay with being squashed, since they were right up against Taylor and Gerard. Once safely on the highway, the complaining started. Everyone was becoming uncomfortable and all of a sudden everyone was craving Mexican food.

"Fuck me! I want some mexican grapes now!" complained Taylor. Allison and Vanessa couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, hey Lilly, my home lady, let's stop at some sort of mexican shithole so we can have some grapes of the mexican kind over in our shanizzle," Allison offered in her lovely African American voice. Lilly happily obliged and sped towards the nearest Taco Bell.

Gerard was the first out of the car once they got there.

"Oh Jesus, my legs are killing me! Mmmm!" he said as he began to stretch his back. Next came Taylor, Allison, Vanessa, Melabie, and Charlie. Daniel and Lilly got out from the front of the car.

"Should we let Morgan out of the trunk, you guys?" said Daniel looking towards the back of the car.

"Ehhh. The kid'll be alright," said Taylor. They all shrugged and went into the Taco Bell.

Gerard was the first to the counter. He was eager to get himself some coffee after the long ride in the car.

"One coffee, black please." said Gerard to a zitty teenage girl in pigtails behind the counter. She nodded her head and took the others' orders as well. When it was Taylor's turn to order, he made it very clear that he wanted mexican grapes, not just any other regular ol' breed of grape. It had to be mexican.

The chipper girl finally gave them all of their food and they all settled near the corner of the restaurant. Gerard, being very eager to take his first full sip of coffee after a very long time in the car, started to gulp the coffee down before realizing that it tasted very strange.

"Umm, I think that girl either roofied my drink in order to have wild sex with me, poisoned me so she could fuck my dead body, or she put shit in my motherfucking coffee. I mean who would do that shit? God, teenagers just scare the living shit out of me with their weird thoughts!" Gerard cried.

As Gerard crept into Vanessa's solid embrace, Vanessa opened the lid to find that there was indeed shit in his cup. While Vanessa was enraged, she kept calm anyways as to not frighten Gerard. Suddenly there was a scream beside them which scared Gerard into hysterics who was gripping onto Vanessa for his sanity.

"These are not mexican grapes!" Taylor fumed.

Allison ran over to Taylor's table. He had just sat down with a large plate of bright purple grapes, and was clutching the sides of the table in anger.

"I specifically asked for mexican grapes! Where is the sombrero? Where is the mustache? What do they think I am, a freaking button that they can just press whenever they want to? No! I'm Taylor! My name is Taylor!" shouted Taylor.

Allison attempted to calm him down, but it was of no use. Taylor continued to shout, and finally, he got out of his seat and threw the entire tray of grapes into the trash can which was beside him. At this point, the entire restaurant was looking at Taylor, and the manager had come out of her office to see what the noise was about.

The manager's name was Sanjina Vishnu, and she had been busy writing an essay about small crimes that she had committed in the past when she had heard the shouting.

Taylor walked up to Sanjina angrily.

"You call this a mexican restaurant?" he cried.

Vanessa then also followed suit with a crying Gerard on her shoulders.

"Yeah! What kind of restaurant sells coffee with shit in it and tries to trick customers into thinking that normal grapes were mexican grapes? We are not a bunch of boobs here! We are on a mission to save the world and food like this just isn't gonna cut it!" Vanessa screamed. This caused Sanjina to be overwhelmed with great guilt but she hid behind a calm facade.

"I am sorry for your inconvenience, Miss, but I just don't see any difference between grapes from the U.S. and grapes from Mexico. And I'm very sorry for the feces in the coffee, but all we can do right now is get you a new one for a dollar," Sanjina said in a steady, graceful voice.

"Well, ahem Miss, Miss, Miss... Miss - erm?" said Allison.

"Vishnu. Sanjina Vishnu." said Sanjina Vishnu.

"Okay, ahem, Miss Vishnu. Just because you don't see a difference between Mexican and American grapes doesn't mean other people don't. This means a lot to my Tay Tay and you can't just dismiss his feelings like that!" fumed Allison.

"Indeed, and you can't dismiss the trauma that my dear Gerard is going through right now," stated Vanessa.

Little did they both know that it was in fact Brandon, the head of the Protestants, who had caused all of this, and that he was presently peering through the drive-through window, impressed by the outcome of his plan.

"Very good," whispered Brandon to himself, "Hopefully that will hold them up for a little while... that way I can initiate part two of plan B."


End file.
